And....That's a Wrap!

Good evening Darlings,

Yes, I changed the name of my blog... I could never figure out what I wanted to call it and I just wasn't feelin' the other blog name... I was reading an article in Self magazine while climbing to great heights on the stairmaster, and it was about a woman who finally began to appreciate her life flying solo after becoming exhausted from trying to be everything to everyone... She concluded the article perfectly by saying "In the end, i'm simply me."

I felt it was fitting because I'm still trying to figure out who I am, what I want to be, what I want to do with my life and everything in between. It can be frustrating at times but I also love the excitement of not knowing what's next or how I'll end up... I just know that I'm simply "me"..

Next:

• My Thursday was awesome. Here's why: I got to leave work an hour early from working late on Wednesday. I took that extra hour and went straight to the gym before the rush. I started on the stairmaster because I cant run right now since my knee is in a funk. I read my SELF magazine while I climbed and what felt like 5 minutes later, my 45 minute timer went off. I had gotten lost in my magazine and got a great workout. Buns of steel are on their way!
• Then... I had dinner with my mom at Mother's Market and Kitchen (similar to Whole Foods). I ordered an "Inferno Wrap Special" which was a spinach wrap with black beans, veggie cutlets, and salsa. I wish I could tell you how it was but I was so in love with the tortilla that it was wrapped in that I completely forgot about everything else. It was seriously amazing. Spinach, doughy, chewy... So unlike the low-carb wrap tastes... So I went on a mission to figure out the brand.
  
  Found out that they are Tumaro's Tortillas and they have so many flavors.. at 120 cal for a tortilla, it isn't too bad considering the taste and texture! Of course, I bought some today!
  
• After dinner, I was off to Thursday Therapy and had a great session. Talked a lot about the mom & easter stuff. She was proud of me for not giving up my Friday night to help my mom by dogsitting... Despite the guilt I was feeling earlier, i'm feeling pretty great at home relaxing!

Friday:

• I knew it would be a good day because I had a new XOXO sweater for work (that i bought at Macys yesterday for 12 dollars.. booya!!), I started my morning with pushups and a brisk walk with kiki, and lastly, I knew I had my leftover wrap that I filled with steamed kale+hummus for lunch! I also started my morning with this insightful little tea bag:

Love your soul

• This was lunch:

BBQ & ranch mushrooms and broc salad along with my leftover spinach wrap from Mother's Market filled with steamed kale, asparagus and this hummus that i'm mildly obsessed with:

And a couple of these babies.. this flavor is AWESOME!!!

• After work, since I declined on dogsitting, I was selfish and went to the gym and had a great 50 minute climb while talking to my dad on the phone... yes, i am absolutely one of those obnoxious people that talks on the phone while working out. Dont worry though, i'm not obnixiously loud.. i dont want everyone knowing my business... just all of blogworld ;)
• I stopped at a couple of stores and found the spinach wraps!! Holllllla!
• As a result, this was my delicious dinner...
  
  A spinach wrap filled with hummus, kale and asparagus with a side of Cuban style black beans and mushrooms.. plus my 3 little spice cups of sour cream, hot sauce and extra hummus (just in case I ran out)
  
  
  Instead of warming it on the stove, I actually steamed the tortilla for about 15 seconds and it made it so nice and doughy.
  
• This is how it all ended:
  
  
  
  
• My BFF from up north is flying in for the weekend tomorrow and we are going to Coachella on Sunday!!! Tomorrow, we're going to the beach, some shopping, and a girls night!
  
  
  Hope y'all have a wonderful weekend and enjoy the sunshine!!
  
  Lots of love,
  L
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
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Gettin' figgy with it..

Cheesy, i know... but you can blame Mister Will Smith for that one ;)

It's been a fig-filled week! It all started with Saturday's farmers market where I decided to buy 1/2 pound of dried figs for $3. It sounded like a good deal and I wanted to experiment with replicating the YouBars recipe for "Date with Chocolate" because let's face it-- I just dont have the money to be spending $2 on a protein bar that includes 4 ingredients: dates, honey, cocoa, protein powder.

Last night, i finally came up with a energy/protein bar recipe using dates and figs that I approve of! The camera pic is so not appealing but you'll just have to make them yourself to see that they are delicious, healthy, and idiot-proof!


Youbars.com calls their version "Date with Chocolate" so mine is going to be a "Date with Chocolate AND Figs"... booya! Here's the recipe:

2 Tbsp. Honey

2Tbsp. Unsweetened Cocoa Powder (or protein powder if you desire)

1/2 cups assorted figs and dates ( i used 3 of each)

1 cup of nuts or cereal (I used puffed rice but almonds or granola would've worked too!)

1 1/2Tbsp. fig and date water (the hot water that I soaked the fruit in before blending)

Soak figs and dates in boiling water for 5-10 minutes while you get everything else ready. Put them in the food processor and then mix with other ingredients. Either bake at 350 for 20 minutes or I suppose you could leave in dehydrator if you desire.

I keep mine in the freezer for a chewy morning dessert.. yeah, that's right, i used "dessert" and "morning" in the same sentence!

THEN, while spending way too much money roaming the isles of Target, I came across these babies at the end of the isle with clearance! They are so yummy and blow chocolate covered raisins out of the water! I'm heading to a different Target tonight to see if I can scope out some more!
I looked up their website and apparently, they have figbars too which look pretty tempting, along with mint flavored chocolates, too!

Earlier this week, I also hit up Trader Joe's for my weekly groceries for work. I saw a can of "Cuban Style Black Beans" and decided to try them...

Omg, they are sooooo good! Everyone who likes black beans/vegetarian food/cheap eats/high fiber/high protein meals NEEDS to go pick up a can of these for a mere dollar! One can lasted this girl 5 meals. Holllller! ha.

This always happens---i make myself a snack and it ends up being so good that I go back for more and end up making it a full meal. Needless to say, my pre-dinner snack of Mushrooms "nachos" with black beans, green onions, VegShreds Jalapeno and Cheddar flavor "cheese" with Everything Pretzels from TJs, turned into my actual dinner 3 plates later! The next night, i decided to just make myself a full serving so I didn't have to keep visiting the kitchen...

Yes, it looks like a pile of ****, but it was so good and hit the spot! I also didn't measure out my "cheese".. I know i consumed way more than one serving but I just didn't care because taste trumped nutritional info!

Let's see, what else...

Weighed myself this morning for the first time since I had the flu when I had dropped 6 lbs.. Definitely gained it all back and had a mere freak-out moment... Trying to remind myself that there's light at the end of the tunnel which consists of being able to go bra shopping again (!!) but let's just say that the numbers totally screw with my head and ED comes knocking again.

I'm headed tonight to Whole Foods to take advantage of my Oikos coupons!!! can't wait.

Also, I got an email from Supermarket Guru and about this new Tempt Ice Cream and these patties and am eager to try them. Wondering if y'all have tried them and have any reviews?

I've been in kind of a introspective mood lately and although I love keeping up with everyone's blogs, i just haven't felt the energy to post much or journal about what's been going on.. Just kind of a blah week while trying to juggle those little curve balls that life throws at you! Trying to balance out my own feelings with eating more/gaining more/trying to ignore Ed/etc!!

I also realized how to sum up my current boy situation in 3 words: "Read Jaime's Blog".. hahah I feel the exact same way she does and share the very same viewpoint regarding the need for space! With that said, I've been ignoring the phone calls/texts/etc and closing myself off like I always seem to do. I think when it's time, I'll know. In the mean while, I'm perfectly content being on my own :)

Happy Hump Day, Ladies... Hope the rest of the week treats you all well!

Catch up!

Dear Lovelies,


I've been the worst blogger ever the past week!... I feel so behind in commenting on everyones blog and in posting! I hope it's not taken personally! In my defense, I've been sick since Tuesday! Here's an update on the life of Lauren the last week:





Wednesday

• Was still sick but stuck it out at work. My therapy appt was cancelled because she had an emergency. I had a total relaxation night.
  
• Watched Slum Dog for the first time with my roommates and made a dank (my adopted so-cal slang thanks to my little cousin) salad accompanied by a Sourdough Wasa cracker.. those babies are good and crunchy! Never had them before.


• Was feeling better but then my other roommate suggested Yogurtland and I am no one to pass up frozen yogurt.


• ummm, yogurt was a bad idea. I was sick the rest of the night.

Thursday:

• Woke up feeling like s*** but had to go to work to set up for a deposition. I couldnt even take Kiki running because I had the worst stomach pains.. it was weird!


• Left work by 11 and went home to sleep for a couple hours.


• Met up with my brother at my mom's house for some bbq veggie and ahi tuna kabobs.


• They came out great but I couldnt eat much. I'll have to post the picture of them tonight. Needless to say that kabobs are so fun to make! haha.


• We relaxed that night and watched Yes Man with Jim Carrey! Super funny!

This is Kiki's best friend (Ginger aka my mom's dog).. This 8 pound dog puts my 80 pound dog in check!! It's too funny! And if I have Ginger up on the bed, Kiki will sit there and whine until I move Ginger because Ginger won't let her up.


Friday

• Went to work. Still sick.. thinking: what the heck is going on with me?!


• Came home and watched movies all night while wanting to curl up and die from stomach pain!


• Had the condo to myself as my roommates were both out of town for the Holiday weekend. It was so nice!

Saturday

• Got up and went to the Farmers Market... wayyyyy too crowded though that morning!


• Came home and took a nap. Had a banana with rice puffs... The only thing that I could stand to keep down!


• Contemplated going to Urgent Care but I didn't want to pay the 75 copay (even though my dad offered) nor did I want to sit in a waiting room because we had a family dinner that night. Instead I took a bunch of medicine, some ginger tea and relaxed.


• Saturday night, I was feeling better so I got ready for our Easter dinner at the Marmalade Cafe.


• On my way out the door, I checked the mail and received a package of coupon goodies from Kristina at Stoneyfield Yogurt! Now that definitely made me feel better!!! I will for sure be picking some Oikos up at WF on my next trip!

• Since I was afraid to eat much at dinner (because of feeling sick, not ed), I decided WINE always works AND i haven't had any in so long because of stupid ED (i used to love wine!)... so i ordered a glass of pinot noir and drank it.. oh, don't worry, i absolutely ordered a second ;) I nibbled on some salad but I was perfectly okay with drinking my dinner.. haha. It was PrEaster so I could do what I wanted!



• Food fear conquered: I had a few bites of my grandma's tiramasu and lemon tart. Booya!


• After dinner, my brother, his friend and I decided "the night is young".. so we went bowling.


• Oh don't worry, i'm the worst bowler out there!! Turns out that I didn't realize unti the game was 3/4 of the way over that I was using the wrong size ball.. That probably couldve prevented the 9872325 gutter balls I threw!
  
  

The best part was exchanging my cute red heels for these babies!

Sunday

• Took Kiki on a long walk but then decided that it was such a beautiful day out, that I would take advantage of it!
  
  
• Yep! I went swimming! Ask me what I love about Easter egg hunts?! It means that all the neighborhood kids were out looking for Easter eggs instead of at the pool! I had it alllll to myself!
  
• I then made Easter brunch for my brother and mom.. we had a spinach and swiss cheese quiche with egg whites, a baked sourdough french toast that I made a cobbler crumble for on top with blackberries, and lastly, some good old fashioned Italian polenta! It all came out so delicious and we topped it with mimosas! Food challenge: check?! conquered: Double Check!
  
• My brother afterwards took me to Home Depot and helped me pick out herbs, a tomato plant and pepper plants, which he proceeded to plant for me later.. He made me a little herb garden and it was the best easter gift ever! I'll have to take a picture of it!
  
• He drove back up to Sacramento that night.
  
• My mom and I got in an argument. We talked and it's better now. A lot of misunderstanding of each other.
  
• Tears, yes. Purged, yes. Binged, no.

Monday

• Polenta, yogurt, and a little bit of left over french toast for breakfast. My appetite AND my hunger are completely satisfied and I am not even hungry for my usual morning snack.

That's all for now.. Hope y'all have an amazing Monday!!!

<3>

The French...

I went from no posts in 5 days to 2 posts in 1 day! I'm obviously procrastinating on working on my request letters for professor letters of recommendation!

Anyway, I'm reading this book again for the second time and I just thought I would share because it talks a lot about mindful eating and how to actually enjoy meals versus dieting. I figured that with the eating conflicts i've been struggling with the past couple weeks as my appetite increases, it would be helpful to re-read this as I wait for my "Eating in the Light of the Moon" to arrive from beloved Amazon.com...

"French women take pleasure in...eating well, while American women see it as a conflict and obsess over it. French women typically think about good things to eat. American women typically worry about bad things to eat".

Here are a few more quotes that I thought were applicable to most of us:

"Deprivation is the mother of failure."

"Gastronomic boredom leads to unhealthy eating. Try new food and flavors. Choose quality over quantity."

Eat ritually. "Eat only at the table sitting down. Use real plates.... Do not watch TV or read the paper. Think about what you are eating, smelling and savoring every bite. Describe to yourself the flavors and textures in your mouth."

"Working out" seems a great, joyless effort. American women have two modes -- sitting or spinning. French women prefer gentler, more regular varieties of all-day movement. They see exertion as an integral part of the day. They walk a lot (3x more than the average American woman.) They walk up and down stairs vs. the elevator."

"The mind is the ultimate firewall against [unhealthy weights]. American women associate eating with sin and guilt. French women enjoy lots of different pleasures – not too much focus on one pleasure such as food."

... And with that said, I just had a comfort food orgasm lunch! A couple months ago, when i was craving comfort foods, I made individual "turkey" pot pies with just a top crust. With my goal to save money and the fact that it's about to rain out, I thought I would finally defrost one of them and bring it for lunch. I ended up putting it over a bed of spinach and made a "pot pie salad"... Let's just say that I feel totally satisfied and even ate the crust without guilt! Booya!

3 hours left until it's nap time!! Have a lovely afternoon, girlies!

Isn't it ironic?!

Good morning Ladies,

Sorry for being MIA the last few days!! It was a busy weekend and my brother arrived yesterday to spend his spring break down here.

Irony: I went home sick from work yesterday because I was throwing up from nausea. I think it's funny how I would have no problem "P" after a "B", but the second that I have to throw up from actual stomach flu, I can't stand it and just want it to stop! I'm sure it revolves around that whole control factor! Anyway, I'm wondering if I have some sort of flu or if it's from my breakfast the last two days: I added an egg white to my oatmeal before zapping it in the microwave.. do you think it could be from the egg not cooking all the way? I also had some PB2 but i'm pretty sure the PB scare/recall is over!

If it wasn't my breakfast though, i'll be repeating this morning's breakfast tomorrow because it was so good! No picture but I took 1 cup of spaghetti squash with 1 egg white, some cinnamon, sugar and earth balance.. microwaved that baby and sprinkled a few raisins and almonds on top.

My mom is going to a Passover dinner (her bf is Jewish) so I made her some flourless cookies:

Flourless almond cookies

Flourless chocolate and walnut cookies from Self Magazine

Please tell me if this would annoy you girls or if I'm just making too big of a deal:
When my mom said she was going to this passover dinner and had to bring some desserts, I offered to make some for her since I love to bake! She said great. I said great. Thought that was pretty clear communication. So I went to the store Monday to get all the ingredients.

On my way home Monday, I call her to say hi and tell her I was on my way home to make the desserts. Where was she, you ask?? At a Jewish bakery ordering desserts for the Passover dinner. ummm, huh?! I felt offended because we had ALREADY discussed me helping her out by making them AND i already bought all the stuff. So i felt like she didn't trust that mine would be good enough... The EXACT same thing happened with Christmas dinner. I told her that i really didnt understand where the miscommunication was because i thought we were very clear!

I was also annoyed because she wanted me to cancel my therapy appointment so that I could attend the Passover dinner that her boyfriends parents invited me to.
-I'm not jewish
-I barely know these people
-I dont really have an interest in going!
-I think it's selfish to ask me to cancel a Tx appointment, especially when she was the one that stressed that I go every week to conquer ed! I also didn't have an appt last week because my therapist was on vacation.
-Lastly, I already switched my appointment from Thursday to Wednesday, as requested by my mom, so that we could hang out with my brother and all cook dinner.


Thankfully, I think she recognized this and sent me this email:
Guess selfishly I was also proud of having you be at passover w/ Jay and family as my daughter to meet his family's friends if you were able to come…lots going on tho with juggling schedules but just wanted you to know that. Thanks for making the cookies and cake! U will be there in spirit. Love you, mom

The situation still annoys me a little because I don't think she'll change when it comes to pleasing others (her bf, always!) instead of recognizing what is the healthiest option. Oh well.

I made up for it with this delicious bowl of veggies and shirataki noodles and garlic hummus. Complimented with some toasted Flatout bread.. a little too toasty though ;) Kiki didn't mind!

Anyway, time to get some work done so I wish all of you ladies the best and a happy hump day!!

Fell off the wagon...

Good morning Ladies,

It's Friday, despite my thinking that yesterday was Wednesday! ha. There must have been something in the air yesterday because after an hour of finally catching up with every one's blogs on here, it seems like all of us had an "off" day, yesterday.

Yesterday was the first time since Christmas that I had a b&p episode. I felt like I had been doing great so I'm still trying to figure out what triggered it. There really wasn't too much of a binge involved either.. at least not like how it used to be during the "rough times".

It started in the morning with my hodgepodge breakfast of a little yogurt with cereal sprinkled on top and a piece of a bran muffin from Souplantation (yes, i absolutely took a mini-muffin in my purse from lunch there the other day! ha... in fact, i took 2!) Like I said in a previous post, my body this week has been more hungry than usual so around 11, I had some yogurt and cereal. Lunch at 12:30 was my Flatout wrap with PB2 and jelly (delicious but not filling). Afternoon snack was some mushrooms with a laughing cow cheese. Still not feeling full, I had a cup of Fage with some corn puffs around 4ish. I think I was so frustrated that I wasn't "full" but was still snacking that I cancelled happy hour plans with my friend so that I could go to the gym. I also felt guilty from not working out on Wednesday and sleeping through my am workout. Basically, let's just skip to the end. When I got home from work, I had some mushrooms and hummus, a tbsp. of PB2 and a cup of Fage. I kept snacking on the the rest of the fage and that was when it hit that I had just consumed way too much yogurt. I think it was more the fact that I was eating so mindlessly than the actual caloric intake. Frustration led to the "p"... Then I went to the gym for an hour to run myself back to a "clean slate"...

I'm really trying to look at the positive. What I did conclude though was that the b&p from yesterday didn't give me the rush/high that it used it. In fact, i just felt kind of "blah".. no excitement during the "b" or feelings of "i know i'm going to P, so i might as well have some more".. nope.. i just felt like it had been mindless eating and the perfectionist and recovery part of me was not okay with that.. especially because it feels like my breakfasts from this week have been the same way..too scattered and not organized.

It amazes me though how much a 'p' will rid yourself of not just the food, but also confidence. I felt like all the confidence and work I had gained went right into the toilet with everything else. Those emptiness feelings that were all too familiar were present the rest of the night as I tried to figure out what brought it on. However, I was uncomfortably honest and told my dad that I had an incident. This is the first time i've ever done that and I think it helped. He went through a kind-of checklist almost, to figure out what had been bothering me. We realized that part of it was being overwhelmed with all of my plans of getting ready for grad school and wanting to move abroad, but time passing so quickly that I can't seem to get a grip on it!.. seriously, how is it already April!? ri-donk-u-lous.

I also told my mom about it this morning during our daily phone call because we went to the gym together last night and I think she knew something was up. She had some good advice and was reassuring but I think it's hard for her to relate to the 'weight' part of it, as she used to struggle with just bulimia and not the anorexia part of it. Nevertheless, I think speaking up will be good in that 1. it's incredibly uncomfortable to admit i slipped, therefore will hopefully deter me from future ones and 2. to realize reaching out for help and having someone to "lean on" isn't a flaw... I think we are all so strong and independent with that whole "i can handle it myself" attitude that we forget that there are people who do care and want to help.

Anyway, after the gym, I was able to get to bed early and feel much better today... plus, I have on my new cardigan and yellow baseball tee that I got on sale in the girls section at Target yesterday! Hollerrrr for girls clothes being cheaper than juniors! It's just a matter of finding something that DOESN'T look like Hannah Montana or Hello Kitty threw up all over it! No offense if you're fans of the above!

I'm taking it easy-cheesy today and am treating myself to lunch. I'm going to the Asian market to get some veggies and tofu, and then going to the restaurant across the street from work which sells vegetarian Pho..with a VEGETARIAN broth! I was so upset when I found out that most places still use beef broth. vomit.

Enough rambling.. here are some pics from the last couple days...


Okay, Strawberry Yogurt O's soaked overnight in a cup of almond milk=amazing... plus they throw in a few yogurt (and i mean very few) yogurt clusters so when you come across one, it's like an orgasm. (sorry for the under aged readers).

I also got blackberries! I forgot how good these things are!




My afternoon snack for the last few days (since Sunday) when I had sprouts for the first time in a couple years and realized how delicious they were. It reminds me of the sandwiches from La Bou Cafe (all the norcal people will know that place! soo good!)

I bought 2 jars yesterday at the only store in OC that carries it! I love it.. a little too much according to yesterday afternoon!

This, I was obsessed with-- I marinated some tofu in bbq sauce and made a flatout wrap with tofu, collard greens, onions and sprouts. After having La Tortillas and then Flatouts, i'm so much more a fan of the Flatouts! They are thicker and more like a bread.. Plus, Costco sells 3-packs for 6 dollars that have flax in them.

Aren't they cute?! I bought Loutus Root from the Asian market and popped them in the microwave with a little salt and peeper. The result= veggie chips. I highly recommend 'em!

I mixed it up with some butternut squash for my pre-dance snack. It kept me energized through 2, count em, 2 classes!

I hope that everyone's Friday is much better than yesterday!! Treat yourself to something! Lastly, thank you all so much for your support. I feel like I've made some amazing friends on this site and so appreciate how honest and supportive y'all are.

xoxo,

Laur

If only she knew the whole story....

Happy THURSDAY (sorry about mistaking the days earlier!), Ladies!

I'm not sure what the weather is like where ya'll are at, but here in Orange County, it is all overcast, cold, and begging for a pjs and move night! Too bad me and the gym already made plans...

This week has been kind of rough.. not sure exactly what it is but I find myself wanting to restrict. My recovery weight is progressing successfully and although I'm happy to be on my way to having boobs again, I'm still anxious when I see that number creep up! I feel like "umm wait a minute.. you're going to fast.. I want to go at my own pace! (cue need for control)"

I think that part of it, is like ya'll said, I get more hungry as my metabolism is (hopefully) repairing itself from a year of starvation mode and overexercising. With that, comes the lack of satiety in meals that used to fill me up! Therefore, my breakfast meals have increased and I find myself wanting to compensate for it later in the day, which I also don't end up doing. Granted that my meals still are rarely full "recovery" type meals with the calories I need..example: I still don't allow myself to have "real" peanut butter.. or if I have some nuts, i'll have 1, count em, 1 almond. (apparently 2 would be too many?! haha jk) So basically, I don't know how to be okay with the increasing number and just "be".. It seems like I used to eat more intuitively when I was starving myself... Maybe that's not a good thing though.

So anyway, I go to Target on my lunch break today (which by the way, i got a super cute white cardigan from the girls section for 9 bucks! booya!) and while i'm going through the racks, this older lady (about 70-something) says to me: "Make sure you stay skinny!! Because when you get to my age, it all just falls out"

lol. I know she meant well and was paying me a compliment (?) but her timing was impeccable. The same day that i'm thinking I dont want this recovery thing anymore is the same day that my ed is reinforced by some grandma-figured-older lady.

Next topic:

Seems like there's a few of us out there with some "mom" issues and just wanted to let ya'll know that you're not alone! Maybe there's some sort of relationship between the two things (our ed behaviors and relationships with our moms). Dont get me wrong, my mom is great and incredibly intelligent but I feel like sometimes she's better at what she does career wise than she is at being a mom... which i guess is kind of interesting because she's a social worker that works with troubled kids, many of the girls having eating disorders.

She struggled with B&P through college and that is why telling her I had a problem was one of the hardest things that I feel I've had to do. I felt completely ashamed for "not knowing better" and learning from her mistakes, especially since she was very honest about it when I was growing up. I've also been the one in the family with a "good head on my shoulders" so it kind of felt beneath me to stoop to the level of B&P when I know I am smarter than that. Now, i realize that i'm not the only one who feels this way, hence making this whole thing a disease versus a choice.

Simultaneously, my mom is really judgmental. I remember being younger and ordering chicken fingers (like ALL kids do) and she said "you know those are fried, right?!" umm, what 65 pound 12 year old needs to worry about that? She's also the most giving person ever but as I analyze it more, I think it's for selfish reasons--for her to get something in return... if that makes any sense.

I dont know where I am going with all this except to say that I can relate to a lot of the frustration that you ladies are going through with your moms. My mom didn't take an active role in my recovery (which i found out in therapy was because she didnt want to offend me), but she was the one person I wanted to have care!.. to want the best for me.. be nurturing.. be a "mom"... It's gotten a lot better through therapy and when i had an emotional breakdown from not being able to complete a dance class a few months ago at my lowest weight, she jumped in her car at 10pm and came over to console me and help to figure out what the next step would be. So she has her roses and thorns but it has become about accepting who she is and the relationship that we have instead of trying to make it something that it's not.

The psych major in me, recommends joint therapy sessions with your mom if there are issues. We do it every couple of weeks and it has made things a lot better! It's scary and uncomfortable but it's worth it. There was so much lack of communication and assumptions flying around that neither of us were actually saying what we meant or wanted.

Anyway, I got some good eats from TJs last night that i'll have to post later. Since the weather has been warmer (sans today), i've been craving clean foods like veggie wraps and sandwiches. My winter soups have taken a spot on the back shelf :(

Hope ya'll have a wonderful THURSDAY!!