How is it already Thursday?!

It seems that this is always the case: When there's something you're not looking forward to that is coming up, the week flies by before your eyes... but when you want the week to go by quickly, it moves at a snail's pace! I keep hoping that the days will slow down so I can fit some studying in--(I keep procrastinating on the difficult parts) but instead, it's already the end of the week!

Last night, I had a therapy session and it was one of those where you go thinking that there really isn't anything to talk about, but come out of it making some big breakthroughs... or moreso, some interesting insight. It started when I told her that Saturday night was really difficult for me and I had the urge to fall back into old behaviors...

Let's start with Saturday day: My mom asked me to come over and bring my GRE stuff with me so I could study at her house while she organized stuff (she's putting her house back together after getting new carpet). She said she would get more accomplished just having someone there bc she wouldnt be able to procrastinate. Anyway, we had a good day but that evening, she went up to her bf's, which she does every weekend. So after my therapist and I explored this, we realized that I felt (cue vulnerability for sharing this) abandonned and used.. kind of like "You wanted me so that you could accomplish what you needed to and then go off and play". We also talked about how, or when my ED was at its worst was when my brother moved back up to Sacramento and I had just ended a relationship that I really wanted to work.. so basically, the whole thing revolves around that feeling of abandonment.

We also explored the differences in the relationship I have with my mom versus my dad. With my dad, it's more nurturing and I know that he will ALWAYS be there for me. With my mom, we discovered that it's more of a love/hate relationship and there's a struggle between wanting my needs met as that "inner child" deal, and being the grown-up adult.

She said it will be interesting to see which one I choose to portray in my romantic relationships: the part of me that is trusting, knowing that my significant other is nurturing and will be there, or the other part of me that has a difficult time forming attachments and opening up for others to know the "real" me.

Lastly, we talked about learning to recognize that my needs matter because part of ED was trying to tell the world that I needed help without having to give up my pride and say something. She loves exploring the past with me (lol) and realized that came from never being heard through some of the issues of my childhood, and always feeling like I needed to please others, or that their needs came before mine.

Enough of Therapy Thursday! Some good news is that I made a burrito last night on a FlatOut with beans, chickenless strips, some soy cheese and lots o' hot sauce. It was delicious but ED only let me enjoy half of it. However, i did treat myself to some Dryers Yogurt Blends Tart and Honey froyo.. Really good but a little too sweet. Still worth the try though if you're looking for "ice cream".

Boudin Bakery just delivered a free veggie sandwich and salad to our office so I am counting down until lunch!!




Hope everyone has a lovely Thursday and are able to soak up some sunshine!!

Love, hugs, and thanks for the support,
L