Despite my many attempts to find an excuse to cancel my date Saturday night, I decided to just get over the fear and go out. I think part of my anxiety is that he was coming from LA to Orange County to pick me up.. I usually like meeting the guy somewhere or going there because then I feel like I have more control over when i can leave. ha.
Anyway, I suggested we see a movie to take some of the pressure off and then I could just relax. We saw "I Love You, Man" (great movie!!) and went out to Maki Maki for dinner. I had some miso soup and we shared two sushi rolls, which I picked most of the rice off of. I figured that I had eaten enough with all the samples from the Farmers Market that morning. So after our dinner, he ordered Green Tea Tempura ice cream.. what?! fried!? ice cream!? cue ed voices. haha. I talked myself out of it, said screw it and ate almost all of my half! I didn't feel guilty after, which is great, but told myself I'd work it off the next day.
So this is my question: Is it still conquering a foodie fear if you restrict and over-exercise the next day to make up for it? The ice cream was delicious though.. people were right when they said everything taste better fried! hahah.
Isn't it pretty?!
Back to the date: It went well but I still feel like I'm just not in a place where I'm interested in dating. Partly because I know i'm not sticking around OC and I dont want anyone to hold me back or put myself in a situation where I have to make that decision. I'm also really trying to focus on myself right now with recovering from ed behaviors and if there is anytime in life where I can be selfish, this is it!
I feel like he wants more out of it than I do. .. Did guys and girls switch places because it seems like most of the guys I meet are looking for a relationship or commitment and although, i'm NOT looking for just a 1 night stand, I am looking for just something casual. It makes me laugh.. which is all you really can do!
Sunday, I woke up early and exhausted but made it to my dance class and so glad I did because it was a fun routine! It turned into one of those days where I stayed in my lounge clothes and relaxed! Took a nap, had some great veggies for lunch from the farmers market and then headed to the gym that evening to run off the fried ice cream from the night before. It was nice because there were only 5 people in the entire 2 story gym. Apparently Sundays aren't GymDays for most!
Lunch: Bowl of collard greens, asparagus, red onion, mushrooms and garbanzo beans, seasoned with thyme, salt, pepper and a little curry powder.
I got home from the gym and and made spinach pizza crust with 1 cup frozen spinach, 3 Tbsp soy flour, garlic cloves, 2 Tbsp of Parm. and then baked it for 30 minutes. I added some clams on top with lots of veggies. By the time it was done, I had snacked on so many veggies while making it, that I was only hungry for a taste. Hello Monday lunch! (it came out to be about 10 inches by 5 inches, so it was pretty good size!)
Saturday, I ran a bunch of errands and it was such a beautiful day and the drive into Laguna Beach was so pretty.. All the cliff sides were so green. The cellphone camera doesnt do it justice!
Friday, (do you love how we're working backwards here?!) I went to Mother's Market with my grandma for dinner and then got some goodies afterwards. I had the BEST dinner though and tried to sneak a picture with my camera phone!
"Jazzman & the Beans" was a bowl of rice topped with cabbage, kidney and black beans, lots of veggies, and bbq marinated faux chicken. I told my grandma it was real chicken and she loved it so much that she ate half of my plate! It was much easier than trying to describe to her what it actually was. haha.
Hey sweetie!
ReplyDeleteFirst off - thank you for all of the encouraging comments through this whole break up situation!! i have not read that book yet, but i've heard so many great things about it and i really should go get it!
CONGRATS on eating tempura ice cream! i didnt know tempura meant fried, and if i would've just heard tempura, would've probably thought it was healthy ice cream..haha! and i think it is still overcoming a foodie fear, despite over exercising and restricting a little. It sounds like you made up for it - but not in an obsessive way! And that is SOOO good! im proud of you! :)
I am glad to hear the date went well..and Im with ya on the whole guys and girls switching places thing. Whenever I get out of a relationship, I dont want to date, and I dont want to have any one night stands, i just want to BE, ya know? and it seems as if every guy that i talk to (who may or may not have potential for dating IN THE FUTURE) wants something to come out of it NOW. They want serious, and they want a relationship. I dont want that now! haha. But when we do want a nice, mature guy who wants to settle down and be serious and have a relationship with, where is he?! i totally dont blame you for not wanting to get serious with anything since you're going to be leaving there soon - i hate letting guys hold me back from making my decisions.
Haha thats funny about your grandma and the chicken! I would've done the same thing :)
Have a good monday girl!
I'm seeing "I love you, Man" with my little bro tonight! I'm proud of you for having the tempura ice cream, but I know why you wonder if it "counts" as tackling a fear food if you just overcompensate the next day. Um..I think it definitely counts for SOMETHING, but it's just a sign that you've still got some work ahead of ya! So funny that you've taken the typical guy stance on relationships, but I think it's just fine for you to have fun and not be super committed right now! It wouldn't really be fair to yourself or to the guy to get all hot and heavy and then have to make a gut-wrenching decision down the road. I really want to try that pizza crust (though I'd try to veganize it by swapping nutritional yeast for the parm, probs) OH and fried ice cream: yearsss ago my then bf and I found out how to make fried ice cream and it became our signature hit at parties/hang outs (especially when people had major cases of the munchies lol.) It involved wonder-bread type white bread with the crusts cut off, scoops of ice cream left in the freezer to get EXTRA frozen, a vat of boiling oil, and cinnamon sugar. Um, yeah...super healthy right? And not nearly as chic as tempura battered ice cream haha. It does remind me how some people are genuinely capable of enjoying food, not thinking of it as sinful or fatty, and they DON'T want to work it off the next day! We'll get to that point someday, and it will just be a little part of an overall healthy balanced life! I'm glad you had fun at dance! Which gym do you go to? The ARC? I used to LOVE going Sundays during the day...but come Sunday night it would get too jam packed bonkers for me to handle. I'm curious about this caramelized onion hummus you're asking about! So funny but last year I definitely was on this mad (ED-fueled) hunt for Wild Garden hummus which is shelf-stable and doesn't have to be refrigerated and doesn't have added oil. I hope you can get your WF to carry the one you're looking for!
ReplyDeleteHey sweets!
ReplyDeleteI have wanted to try tempura fried ice cream -- it's one of those things that sound just bad enough that it has to be delicious!!! Congrats on eating it -- that's a huge step.
As for if restricting/over-exercising the day after a big meal or something, I do think that is ED related. Our bodies are resilient. If we have one day of eating a lot, it shouldn't effect our weight long term. I would say normal/ non-ED behavior would be eating regular, but if you are literally too full for something then not eating it. And exercising regularly. This is the attitude i take when I binge -- I try to eat and exercise noral the next day which is hard to do.
I love teh story about your grandma and the chicken. i tried to explain the alarm that you can set on a cell phone to my grandma and she didn't understand. So I think fake chicken would be difficult.
Also, I thought the hummus was just Whole Foods brand but I have it in my fridge at home so I will take a look and get back to you.
Take Care!
Hey dear!
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for your sweet comment on my last post. It was a hard thing to write and I can't say how much I appreciate your kind words.
I am SO happy that you went out on your date, even though it was a challenge. I think it's really important that you are honest with yourself as to what you can and can't handle right now - there is NOTHING wrong with taking time for yourself. Relationships are a f*ckton of work and can be really draining if things aren't peachy...add that to recovery and it's like playing with fire. You need to put yourself first for the time being, and it's pretty easy to start subordinating your own needs to make someone else happy. Never the less, I think it's great that you enjoyed yourself and tried something new - I've never had tempura ice cream but I adore sushi so I can only imagine how heavenly the best possible combination of the two would be. I agree w/ Sheena as well - our bodies are pretty resilient and we have to learn to trust them to handle a little extra "treat" now and then without worrying about doing extra exercise, etc.
I'm glad you had such an eventful weekend!
Much love,
Elle
Is it still conquering a foodie fear if you restrict and over-exercise the next day to make up for it?
ReplyDeleteMy answer: I think NO. Well, yes you have tried the food that you feared of ingesting, but the over-excercise and retricting part sounds like an ED routine. Of course, there is nothing wrong about exercising and a bit of dieting as long as it does not go as over-compensation. i think moderation is a key. for example, since you indulged on an ice cream, you could eat veggies and skip the desserts for the next day. that's it. no starvation. BUt hey, it's just an ice cream, give yourself a break. it's okay sweetie, get a life ;)
Thanks for following my blog! I was happy to find yours, too!
ReplyDeleteThe ice cream looks absolutely amazing! :-)
hi girlie
ReplyDeletethat ice cream looks great :) i think you conqured it at the time, but then ed creaped in to a certain extent and caused you to feel the need to over excerisie a bit...i think the healthies diet and view is everything in moderation...i mean you werent going to have that everynight right? once in a while is perfetly ok and healthy and theres no need to try burn it off..thats ed trying to take control. but never the less, still be proud of yourself hun:) you tried and thats what counts!
have a wonderful monday :)
much love
xxxx
Hey~
ReplyDeleteSo I looked at my hummus and it is Whole Foods brand and says produced by Whole Foods. I would ask maybe someone like a manager or something that might know more about the products and store stock. Hope that helps!!!
and know, after looking at you're delicious ice cream and your fantastic pizza i just feel like going out and find a way to get it but here in portugal i'm sure it wouldn't be easy lol :p
ReplyDeleteyou may not being in a really dating mood but girl, enjoy it! we just live once time, right? and we will not screw it because of ed, no we're NOT!
have a nice tuesday!
lots of love my dear <3
*now, not know
ReplyDeletei'm sorry haha :p
Great job on going out on the date!!
ReplyDeleteDoesn't it feel so liberating to step out of your comfort zone and go against ED?
Take care, thanks for the thoughtful comments on my blog!
Hey! I had a date with a guy not too long ago and felt like he wanted more out of it than me too! It's so wierd with the culture that we live in! But nice (if it is the right guy of course!)
ReplyDeleteYummy eats as always!
wow! GREAT JOB on trying that tempura ice-cream! ice-cream + fried stuff = double fear food for me, but you faced it! i think it's still a great step towards recovery that you actually tried it even if you tried to "make up" for it afterward. hey, one step at a time, as long as it's towards the positive direction!
ReplyDeleteJust wanted to say hi! I just discovered your blog. I live in Orange County too (Irvine). Small world :)
ReplyDelete